Surefire Ways to Deal with Unrequited Love
If you’re like Rachel of Friends, who never had to ask a guy out herself, you must have never been in unrequited love.
If you’re like Rachel of Friends, who never had to ask a guy out herself, you must have never been in unrequited love.
If you’re one of the blessed ones who never had to experience it, imagine this: You found a great Muslim single perfect for you—perhaps someone who’s in an arranged marriage with you, or maybe, you still hold lingering feelings for your ex. You expressed your affection for them, but they don’t return those feelings, let alone acknowledge them.
Got us now?
1. Unrequited Love—the gist
A one-sided love, otherwise knowns as the unrequited (or unreciprocated) love, is a kind of love that warps one’s perceptions of the person they are in love with. It’s a subtle type of obsession.
Unrequited love is obsessive because it is self-fulfilling and all-consuming. Most times, nothing and no one stands in between but the lover.
Being in this type of love has its nuances. It can be beautiful on one end and dangerous on the other. Nonetheless, it may be difficult for someone in a one-sided romance to realize someone doesn’t feel the same way. It’s because they are so engrossed in their romantic feelings for the other person.
2. Ways to Deal with Unrequited Love
Falling deeply in love with someone unavailable or uninterested in you can be exhilarating and heart-throbbing at the same time. The chase, hoping to be noticed, brings an intoxicating feeling. But realizing they’ll never see you, exactly like you expect, is soul-crushing!
Ask anyone who has fallen victim to unrequited love, and they would tell you they have always wanted to stop this unnecessary habit. Some just don’t know how to do it exactly—or may have tried but failed multiple times.
If we’ve been making assumptions all this time and you’ve fallen victim to unrequited love, soldier on. Keep trying to fall out of love, and read our tips below while you do:
3. Feel the pain
In a Psychology study, researchers found that the same brain areas active when people are physically unwell or injured are also engaged when they experience emotional suffering. These neural reactions typically happen when a person experiences social rejection from the people around them. This is why a rejection or broken heart hurts—and this is why you have to let yourself feel the pain.
Unrequited love is a love that’s unrewarded or unreturned. In simpler terms, it’s a loss. Hence, allow yourself to go through the stages of grief if the pain is just too much.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad when you realize you’re in unrequited love. In fact, that person you’re in love with already doesn’t acknowledge your emotion—or might not even know you exist. Please don’t deepen the hurt by ignoring yours or shoving it on the back burner as well.
At this time, be yourself’s best hero. If your love is genuine, there’s nothing funny or pathetic about being brokenhearted anyway.
However, give yourself a time frame when you should only be in mourning. Cry as much as you want, shout if it’s the only way that clears your heart, and eat that entire tub of ice cream if you can. But after that, learn to pick yourself back up and learn to enjoy life again.
4. Stop romanticizing the idea of being together
People in a one-sided love fantasize about a future with the person they admire. They imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone they like. They even run scenarios—the dinner dates, petty fights, and so on.
If this is you, please come out of your imaginary bubble and have a sense of the real world. Living under the fantasy that your crush may one day feel the same way about you will only make matters worse. Daydreaming is okay once or twice, but don’t do it so often that it might alter your sense of reality.
Again, avoid creating hypothetical circumstances in your head. Be hopeful of a possible future together, but don’t let it dictate your way of thinking altogether.
5. Try to get to know them better
One reason it’s so hard to move on and quit the one-sided love is that you never truly know the person in real life. Sure, you know their name or what they do for work. You might also know their family or have heard of their kindness or great humor. However, have you already talked to them one-on-one, enough to know them better?
Knowing someone in person and seeing them in a clearer light can help decide whether you truly like them or only like the idea of being together. When you truly get to know your crush, you become more aware of their character. Eventually, it may make you less fascinated with them.
6. Quit the romcoms
People in an unrequited love already know their love is pointless. But they’re mostly hopeful of a possible life with their crush.
However, only when they give time to think over their one-sided romance do they get sad over their situation. Like any deep and painful breakup, this feeling is often recurring. And sometimes, they might try to do something else to stop thinking about them.
If you’re in this painful situation, whatever you choose to do when you feel sad, refrain from binge-watching and reading rom-com movies and novels. You’ll only mope aimlessly, emphasizing the one thing you can’t have—reciprocated love. Instead, find a hobby that takes your focus on anything that could reignite the hurt.
7. Cut off all contact
Keep off social media and stay far away—if you want to move on from your unreciprocated love. Stay away from anything that’ll remind you of your crush. Train yourself not to think about them in any way or form. Purge them out of your life and system, if you will.
Stop obsessing about a compliment or praise your crush once paid you in the past. Or stop checking their socials.
Be strict with yourself if you must. If you can, go cold turkey; starve yourself from their presence online or offline. If they’re a workmate, you can always ask to get transferred to a different department or leave the job—if you’re stronger.
But if you can’t, go slow. You could start by unfollowing them on social media and then cut all contact with common friends, at least for a while. Whatever you decide to do to heal your unrequited love, trust that in time, you’ll get used to not seeing them and not craving their presence any longer.
8. Get distracted by other things
When you are in unrequited love, your crush might be the only thing occupying your mind. They might be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing on your mind before you hit the sack. Heck—they may even be the only thing in your head in the middle of the day! Undoubtedly, this habit is unnecessary and can go haywire real quick.
Distract yourself from constantly thinking about your crush. Find anything you enjoy doing each time you have free time. Reading books may be beneficial, but physical exercises should do the job if you like a total diversion. Doing physical activities is ideal as it releases endorphins that have the same effect as being in love.
9. Love yourself
Loving yourself is the first step to anything. It’s at the top of any rule book. Unfortunately, it isn’t so obvious for people in unrequited love.
Before deciding to love someone, be sure to love yourself first. Leave enough for yourself so you don’t become depleted and empty, regardless of whether your crush returns your love and concern in the end or not. Love your awesomeness, respect who you are, and embrace the cool, self-sufficient person that you are.
10. Your heart will find its match soon…
Without the proper boost, no love can survive. And if romance, trust, tenderness, shared interests, and making love are the fuel for reciprocal love, unrequited love is fantasy.
If you are afraid that this unreciprocated love will never fade away, don’t. We have good news for you: the intensity of your current emotions may not last forever.
True, you will most likely remember this period in your life forever, but your love and affection for them will ultimately fade. You’ll eventually find someone to channel these feelings who’ll recognize them and mirror your emotions this time.
